Hans Memling Hell
Hans Memling, Hell (c. 1485)

I had a good Bank Holiday weekend, knowing I wouldn't be going to Hell. As I reported last week the new Pope, continuing the show of good-natured humility that has so far characterised his Papacy, seemed to suggest in a recent mass that atheists are "redeemed by Jesus", providing they live good lives.

Unfortunately, it turns out that life seeking salvation while not actually believing in God is a rollercoaster, with no guarantee that it'll end on a high. With the Pope's conciliatory mass generating headlines around the world, Vatican spokesman Father Thomas Rosica has moved quickly to quash rumours that a life reading Richard Dawkins and not going to church provides a route to the pearly gates.

Tackling the thorny matter of salvation with reference to Francis's mass, Roscia answers the question "What is the meaning of the affirmation 'Outside the Church there is no salvation'?"

This means that all salvation comes from Christ, the Head, through the Church which is his body. Hence they cannot be saved who, knowing the Church as founded by Christ and necessary for salvation, would refuse to enter her or remain in her. At the same time, thanks to Christ and to his Church, those who through no fault of their own do not know the Gospel of Christ and his Church but sincerely seek God and, moved by grace, try to do his will as it is known through the dictates of conscience can attain eternal salvation.

So in short, no believing in God (specifically the Catholic version), no heaven. Which presumably means destination Hell. A rather unpleasant place, by all accounts – probably best if you don't believe in it.