--- title: "Ask Janet: Should I keep confronting my brother about his racist politics?" date: "2026-09-16T00:01:00+01:00" modified: "2026-09-15T18:01:55+01:00" url: "https://newhumanist.org.uk/articles/ask-janet-should-i-keep-confronting-my-brother-about-his-racist-politics/" post_id: 10921 --- # Ask Janet: Should I keep confronting my brother about his racist politics? ![A photo of Janet Ellis sitting on a sofa with her dog](https://newhumanist.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2026/09/Credited-to-Olly-Hunter-for-Humanists-UK-25Extended-1200x675.jpg)Credit: Olly Hunter**Q:** My brother supports a political party that I find racist. In recent years he’s been increasingly drawn in by their arguments. He’s my younger brother, we’ve always been close, and I’m finding it difficult not to confront him. We’ve had a few arguments, but mostly I’ve tried to engage in earnest debate, hoping that this approach might cut through. But he only seems more convinced than ever. Our basic assumptions about political issues are now so far apart that I don’t know how to bridge the divide, and each conversation drains me. Is it still worth pursuing these debates – or is it time to give up? *– A struggling elder brother* **A:** Disagreements and arguments in families are often not about the actual subject. Do these discussions start and end in the same way? Old frictions surface easily when they find their expression in potentially incendiary subjects. Knowing neither side risks a complete fracture means these discussions can rumble on; indeed they can be habit forming and while neither side achieves resolution, you both end up adding a few more sticks to your bonfires of resentment. This friction is ostensibly about opposing views but it’s revealing other cracks and fissures. Perhaps your brother has always felt in your shadow and is now expressing his need to go solo. Maybe you’ve always counted on him looking to you – even up to you – for advice and guidance and you’re finding it hard to cope with the fact that he’s going his own way. It’s not easy to change these patterns and there’ll be emotional fallout along the way. Concentrate instead on all the things you share. You have so much history and a relationship away from politics. When you see each other use these occasions to talk about everything else in your lives and share family memories. When you’re apart, keep lightly and gently in touch. Plan outings or time together where neither of you will be able to easily seize the opportunity to turn the conversation to your differences. You’ll always be where you are in the sibling pecking order, but you’re also both adults and navigating the world independently. Try reversing the dynamic, too. Ask him for his help with something and see how he responds. It may help you both to see the other more clearly, not just as representatives of opposing parties. You’ll already have plenty of shared memories and jokes to strengthen your bond. When you’re with other people, steer away from political conversations (it’s all too easy to make this a spectator sport) and when it’s just the two of you, consider finding areas where even your vastly differing opinions coincide. There will be some! It’s also perfectly possible that your brother doesn’t espouse every aspect of the party he supports. You feel you’re being open but by simply repeating your opposition you’re not leaving him any room to find his own way and come to any different conclusions. Should his beliefs change into harmful actions you can be more direct but enlist support. This should never become a two-person showdown. Give up the debates but not your brother. ***Need some advice? Send your question to with the subject line “Ask Janet”.***